First of all…omfg…I am so in love with this show, as Tracy Jordan would say, I’d like to take it round behind the bike sheds and have little Lost babies. Christ alive, wasn’t everyone rocked to the core this episode. Apologies in advance as during this recap I will probably say ‘…and here is where I broke into applause’ fifty times as I must have done so during every minute of this prelude into what might be the greatest finale ever
So, for the penultimate time of 2008, Previously on Lost: Keamy had to resort to secondary protocol to torch the island, pre-emptively laying in wait for Ben to reach The Orchid station. Frank satphoned Claire’s house, which Jack took as a hint to follow them. Locke went into Jacob’s cabin and found a Christian Shepherd to shepherd him to salvation of the island, and confirming the theory that Jacob likes to move it, move it. He likes to (?) move it!
Reverse Hitchcock, or a Citizen Kane, where the camera pulls back or zooms out to reveal that we were looking through a window. Here, we were looking at the sky from inside a cargo plane. The pilot passes on some info to the co pilot and sees him holding…I don’t know what that is, last year we saw Jack holding something illegible and we’ll found out what that is two weeks from now, so logically the season 5 finale shall reveal the pilots thingamajig. IMO it looks like a fortune cookie…or a hanky. The co-pilot says they need it because of their cargo of bad Mojo. Michelle Forbes, from Prison Break and 24, addressed here as Miss Decker, is advised to let the cargo know that they are landing. Here pretty much everyone has realised that the Oceanic 6 must be on this plane. She unsteadily wibbles and wobbles her gangly body to the hold to tell, Shock Horror, Jack, Kate, Aaron, Sayid, Sun, and Hurley that they are about to land in a military facility just west of Honolulu. That’s a nice in-joke. She informs them all that their families are all there, and that the press wants to chat to them…if that’s ok. Jack speaks on behalf of everyone for what he might feel is the last time, that they are willing to hold a press conference. Everyone else blanks Miss Decker. She tells them that they are referring to them as the Oceanic 6. She swaggers precariously off as Aaron picks her nose. 
Yes her, that’s defo not a boy baby. When she is out of earshot, Jack turns to the other five ‘We all know the story, if we get any questions we don’t want to answer, or can’t answer, just say nothing…if looking at you Aaron’ He says that they can use shock as an excuse. And Sun reminds them that they still are.
The plane lands. They all look inscrutable. I’m having a very hard time scruting them. Good direction from Stephen Williams, I guess. In a nice bit of cinematography and musical no dialogue slow-motion, we have them stepping out of the cargo plane and onto the first bit of American land for…gosh, what date is it here? Well the first bit of American land for at least three months for Jack and Hurley, the first time in at least 6 months for Kate, and the first time ever for Sun and Aaron. Hurley is the first to get out, and I’m expecting him to cannonball everyone, but he hugs his mother and father. Sweet. Surprisingly, Jack’s mum is there, after a 75 episode absence, surely to be the record of a guest star on this show. She hugs Jack, and Mr and Mrs Paik ecstatically and tearily hug Sun. Kate has nobody. Seeing that Sayid has no one, Hurley brings him over to meet the Reyes’s. Jack looks very happy, but Sun looks forlorn, and WE ALL KNOW WHY.
FLASHBACK to Kate on the Beach. It’s dark and the Lostaways are debating the true interpretation of the message in the raincoat in the bag from the helicopter in the sky. Rose theorises that Desmond and Sayid must be in the chopper. Sun respectfully disagrees, saying that if they did, why didn’t they just land. Jack doesn’t know, but uses his common sense to say that the sat phone is tracking the chopper, so they obv want them to know where they are. Sun says they should call them to check. Don’t think that’s such a good idea, but Genial Genius Daniel ‘rejiggers’ the phone so that their side is muted and that they can hear the goings-on in the chopper. We learn that they have landed 5 clicks from the site, the Orchid (important!), and reading between the lines, Frank doesn’t want to do this, and neither Desmond nor Sayid are with them. Juliet thinks this brilliantly…so…Jack asks Kate to come with him to fight against the mass of combat military mercenary death soldiers. He had Juliet right there. Mmmm Kate and Juliet (hot oil death match) I don’t fancy Kate’s odds, even if she did dislocate Jules’ arm…Juliet’s badass, it’s a shame to see her relegated. So an injured Jack, and Kate will be saving the island. I think the rest of the Lostaways must have seen the flashforwards because if I didn’t know that Jack and Kate are relatively healthy in the future I’d be certain they were about to die. Oh I spoke too soon, as Juliet has her reservations. Jack argues with her. I’m quite annoyed with Jack this season, he’s just as dictatorshippy as Locke. In the early days he was all about what the whole camp wants, since s3 he’s always going on about how ‘HE’s the leader, HIS say goes’ I think it’s because Sayid is not on the island. Jack assures Juliet that he’s only being a jerk because he promised everybody that he was getting them all off this island. Jack, why bother, look at your flashforwards, you did a very halfarsed job of rescuing ‘everybody’ Juliet emotionally tells him not to bleed to death. She leaves wiping her eyes. Jack tells her he’ll see her in a couple of hours. This is exactly the kind of ominous foreshadowing that makes me predict that Jack isn’t going to see her for at least three years.
Daniel is frantically rummaging through his notebooks. Rummaginger asks him what’s wrong and he tells her that the death squad mentioned The Orchid, that means they are using the secondary protocol. She asks what’s the significance and his response is an urgent proclamation that they definitely, 100% need to get off this island…NOW
LOST
It’s now morning and Jate are catching up to the helicopter. Kate suggests they take a break, and for the first time ever in Lostory, he does. This lets her know that something’s up. His side is bleeding, and the man is doing some heavy sweating. Kate points this out to him and he says the bleeding to death is just the bodies way of recovering. Now I’m not a doctor *ignoring the shocked gasps* but that’s not going to pass with me, buster. Kate copies me 
and they don’t have time to discuss how Jack’s so good at bluffing, remember when he beat, oh speak of the devil, Sawyer comes bristling through the green with Aaron behind a nonchalant Miles. He looks well haggard – is Josh Holloway really aging or is it a great amount of detail by make up to make him look weather beaten after carrying a baby and screaming after Claire and having been shot at and blown up? 
Seeing Sawyer with Aaron, Kate asks where Claire is. Sawyer has to break the news that she is gone, and that they’ve been looking for her for a day. Cripes, Aaron has coped well, and he doesn’t even seem hungry. Sawyer has had enough questions already, so he asks them why they are out there with the sat phone. Jack explains that the helicopter flew over the beach and someone threw it out, hopefully Desmond or Sayid. Sawyer very seriously tells him that Sayid better not be on there, because the men on that helicopter are animals…and their smart…and if you think that ONE gun and ONE bullet, whoa sorry, was channelling Rambina for a second. Must have been Miles’ fault. Jack goes Pah! Sayid, joining sides with an enemy??? Leave it out, mate, pull the other one, give over, caress it gently, clean it thoroughly! Kate is surprised that they tried killing people. Sawyer says something I’ve waited to hear since series 2 ‘Locke was right’ (well, I’m paraphrasing) Jack belittles Sawyer’s handling of the situation, and this riles Sawyer, who disparages Jack’s plan. Jack isn’t taking any of his crap, as seriously, that helicopter is the only way off the island. Sawyer angrily tells Jack he sounds like a broken record, always snotting about getting off the island. Kate has to intervene. Jack makes it all about him, saying that he put Sayid and Desmond on the helicopter, so he’s going after it. Kate is now holding Aaron so she refuses to go any further as she is clever enough to realise that Aaron doesn’t give enough cover as a human shield. Jack walks off. Sawyer, finally gets his cowboy up, and says with unspoken love ‘that sonofabitch is stubborn, [yeah, you’re the authority here, ‘I’ll give you the inhalers for a kiss’] HOLD UP! You don’t get to die alone’…and here is where I broke into applause. Can’t anyone watch the flashforwards: Jack wants to die alone!
FLASHFORWARD, but not that far forward, to the fabled press conference, currently being watched by Mr Avelline, Guy in Pharmacy #1, Big Mike, and Korean Nurse #2. Miss Decker tells the press that the O6 crashed, then swam to the unchartered, uninhabited island Membata, where they lived for 103 days, until a typhoon washed up a boat, which they used to sail to Manukangga, in Sumba. This sounds like Krusty the Klowns opener at Stand-up. Once they were discovered as 815 survivors, Oceanic transported them to this Hawaiian hangar, post-haste! The first journalist gets to ask what it felt like to survive the crash. Jack lies through his overly-prominent canines about getting through the emergency door, and getting carried by the current where only 8 were alive, meaning three people died. I wonder why they said this stuff about the extra three people, were they Charlie and Claire because they realised that eventually scientists would get the tagged seagull with the message that there were survivors and that it would be signed by them, or were they just invented for a bit of realism? A British journalist tells them that they all look good...suspiciously good. Before Kate can tell her that she has a son, now, she’s not looking for a girlfriend, Hurley speculates that this is because of his heft. This lightens the mood, and his parent beam proudly. Taking his lead, the journo asks how it will feel to get all his money back, and Hurley says that he doesn’t want any of it back. Some Korean journalist tries asking Sun a question. Probably because she has no choice. All the other press sigh. She asked if Jin was one of the 8 who made it to the island. Sun thinks for a moment and looks at the other O6 for any help answering this question. Five minutes later, she finally gets round to answering and says that he died in the crash. Thus explaining the gravestone. The first journalist gets to ask another question. He asks a brooding Kate what it was like to give birth on the island. She says it was scary, in a scary whisper. She tells them Aaron’s age which is five weeks. Five weeks lasted over three seasons? So much happens in this show. Then the journalist slyly tries to ask her how pregnant she was when she was apprehended of the whole essay of crimes which she may or may not be guilty or innocent of not being guilty, wink once for yes. 
Decker spots the snare and doesn’t allow Kate to answer it. The Brit gets to ask another question. Aren't any of the other journo’s pissed? Or perhaps they all had just four questions and now they’ve all been answered. She asks Sayid if it’s possible that there might be any other survivors. He says absolutely not. Oh dear for us at home.
The press conference over, Jack congratulates them on lying well, while Decker tells Sayid that Noor Abed Jaseem is outside…and here is where I broke into applause. YES!!! I’ve been waiting for this for three years (didn’t start watching till it aired in the
FLASHBACK to Sayid porting on the beach. The remaining Lostaways crowd around him and ask where’s Desmond. Sayid says it’s fine but they have to get in the boat – 6 at a time. Oh, you’re just playing with us, Demon and Curse. Juliet is confused as to why they are not in the helicopter and Sayid tells her that the men on the helicopter are there to kill them! Except Frank, right? Juliet flicks her head exasperatedly which worries Sayid. Jack and Kate just went to the helicopter. This worries Sayid more.
In the valley, Locke, Linus, and Reyes are making their way to the secondary protocol. Hurley wants to know where. Ben elaborates that they are going to the Orchid, a greenhouse. Hurley wants to know why. Ben refers him back to John saying that they have to move the island. Hurley wants to know how. Ben says ‘Very carefully’ Hurley wants to know what stopped them from doing it before. Ben informs him that doing so is very dangerous and unpredictable and is only to be done as a last resort. Ben stops at some rocks. Behind them are some supplies. Ben begins to open them but John takes charge. Inside are some crackers. They are probably for Kate to feel better, but Locke throws them over to the person with the nearest cupsize. There is a mirror. Ben asks for it. Narcissist. He disparages Hurley for eating the crackers as they are 15 years old (AAAAA one of the numbers!!!!!!!) Yeah, how old do you reckon the Apollo bar that had been in Hurley's back pocket for a month was. Anyway, when in
On the beach, more people are clamouring for the boat. Daniel takes Sayid aside and asks that he take over the ferrying project while Sayid goes in the jungle. Daniel insists that he does, it’s urgent. Wow, look how far Charlie got with Eko’s church 
Sayid leaves. Daniel reiterates that only 6 can go. Juliet pushes Sun to the front, and Sun beams. Heh…sunbeams. Kate arrives with Aaron and Miles and is relieved to find Sayid. They decide to go after Jack. Kate leaves Aaron with Sun, not telling her what happened to Claire. Jin sees Sun with the baby, and instantly looks serious. Daniel gets on the boat and waves goodbye to
FLASHFORWARD to Sun arriving at Paik’s lair. She’s visibly bumpy, and the sight of all the stairs she has to climb depresses her. We enter on Paik in a fiery rage. How could this happen? He yells. Whoever did it used five banks apparently. Paik yells at his subordinates to get Yoon up here…NOW! Speaking of Yoon and Jin and two separate unrelated Korean stars on the same TV show with the surname Kim, Sun enters, which calms Paik. Sun greets him. He says it’s just business complications with the company which women would not understand. He asks how the pregnancy is going. Sun tells him to go blow a cow and stop acting. They both know he despised the father. Paik is outraged at this independence. After all, women should be obscene, not heard. He demands that she show some R-E-S-T-E-C-P. Her response, (and it’s a goody) is that she was paid so much for her severe emotional distress, and sudden ability to speak English fluently, that she bought a controlling interest in Paik Heavy Industries…and here is where I broke into applause You can see the cogs of Mr. Paik’s head turn as he realises that he’s been had by the nads. He wants to know why and Sun goes off on him yelling that he ruined Jin’s life, and it’s because of him that they were on the flight to LA. Out of the two people responsible for his death, Mr. Paik is one of them. Ummm from this scene, I guess I’m going to have to accept that Jin is dead. Noooooo! Damn Daniel Dae Kim for that dim dumb DUI. Mr Paik quails under Sun’s glare like a pussy, and knocks the ghostbusting vacuum cleaner disguised as a toy car on his safe 
Sun tells him that she will have her baby, then decide how to run the company.
Meanwhile, Hurley gets home with his Mr Clucks Birthday Bargain Clucket to an unlocked door, and a suspiciously empty house. He calls out for his mum and dad. Then he calls out for the Tron family servants who I swear he fired before his 815 flight. He starts hearing the Whispers as he picks up a random coconut on the floor. He picks up one of the handy gold Jesus’s hangin about the house as a weapon. He goes through the door to a surprise party where his mum reprimands him for using a idol as just that. Seriously though, Hurley is dense. It’s his birthday, and he didn’t think that was a possibility behind the Whispers (which have turned out to be his guests). Kate and Aaron wish him a happy birthday (this is before her trial) but Jack’s running late. Are they together now? But Hurley’s not in the institution yet. So they went out, then split, then had the trial, then went out, then split. It’s doomed, man. Beautiful Kristin Davis-reminiscent Nadia and Sayid wish him a happy birthday, and you can see that they are both wearing wedding rings. Awww. That’s so sad how she dies. Damn you, Widmore! Sayid comments that they chose an interesting theme (desert island) Hurley dismisses his old senile nympho mum as not getting the whole idea of trauma. David Reyes comes upon them and asks what they are talking about, building a fire, hunting boars? No, they are talking about four toed statues and Michael shooting Libby. His enthusiasm falls flat, so he asks Hurley away for a moment. He takes him to the garage to show him his present. It’s the Camaro, finally restored, finally with a carburettor. All these life moments that the writers have set up have been whisked over so rapidly in this episode. I guess that means even greater events to come. Hurley is amazed. David tells Hurley that he worked on it, when he thought he was dead, imagining Hurley was with him. Awwww…and here is where I broke into tears. David asks if he wants to take it for a spin. Hurley couldn’t be happier. Sadly the truth of this statement is only too realised. Hurley gets in the car and spots something on the dashboard. 
Uh oh. Nooo, it’s Hurley’s birthday. Hurley gets mad at seeing the numbers crying that it must be a joke. David remarks that it’s a massive coincidence. Hurley gets more agitated and scrambles to get out of the car and run away.
BACK to Hurley on the island, he brings up the point that even if they do move the island, doesn’t that mean the bad guys move too? Ben confirms this. Hurley is as flabbergasted as I am. Isn’t that a problem?? Ben says he’s working on it. Hurley cries that he wants to get off the island and worries that he won’t be able to. Sssh don’t worry Hurley, you’ll be fine. They arrive at the Orchid. Ben requests the binoculars and suggests Locke get lower to the ground, at least he and Hurley are camouflaged, Locke’s wearing *blue* for crying out loud. Locke locks and loads and asks why they are hiding. Ben tells him because Widmore knows about the Orchid so they have to ascertain whether or not it’s been infiltrated. Locke infuriates me on not asking any more questions, but instead his feelings get hurt that Ben lied to him. Ben admits that he wasn’t entirely truthful. Gosh that does NOT count as an excuse. I said this in my recap for Through the Looking Glass where he tells Mikhail that the reason he had to tell everyone the station was flooding was because he lied. Saying the truth after a lie does not excuse the lie. Ben must have had some bad parents. Oh yeah. Ben hands the binoculars back to Locke and tells him he needs to look at the back wall. They were too late, the Frarmy are already here!
On the boat Sun and Jin can’t take their celebrating eyes off each other. Oh please don’t let anything happen to Jin! They reach the Kahana where Desmond helps them on. Daniel explains to his Constant that Sayid is back on the island going after Jack. Sun and Jin get onto the freighter. Daniel speeds off heroically. Sun and Jin hear Kevin, um Michael saying that the engine’s fixed. 
They exchange significant looks. Desmond runs into the main bit (Deck? Hub? Cockpit? Steering room?) to tell the first mate (presumably) that the engines are now working. They are indeed. They start sailing to the island, and Desmond reminds the first mate to stay on the bearing 305. Apparently there’s some RF interference with the ********* and that he wont get any closer than 5 miles. Desmond says it’s impossible that there could be anything else transmitting, the radio room’s down. The first mate says there obviously is. Desmond runs off to search for it.
On the island, Sawyer and Jack are making their way to the helicopter. Sawyer spots the blood oozing from Jack’s side. ‘Cut yourself shaving?’ Heh. Jack explains that Juliet took out his appendix. They reach the helicopter. Frank is there, cuffed to it. Frank fills Sawyer in on who he is, and Sawyer is less hostile. He asks Sawyer to get the toolbox. Sawyer looks at Jack and he encourages him. Sawyer is an ass about it. I think Damon and
FLASHFORWARD to the funeral of Christian Shepherd. Around this time, Hurley will travel to
BACK on the freighter, Sun is grilling Michael about how they got to 
Holy Crap. Jin tells Sun something sensible in Korean and they skedaddle. Desmond and Michael look at each other shocked.
Kate and Sayid stumble through the jungle and stop as they find a fresh new set of tracks that aren’t Sawyer or Jack’s and the person’s doubled back…Not Naomi again. No, she’s on the boat. Kate and Sayid cock their weapons and aim around wildly shouting for the culprit to show themselves. ‘Relax’ says the voice of someone chilled out. He starts walking forward. DICKERS!!!! …and here is where I broke into applause. They shout at him to stop, but he keeps advancing on them until they give him the threat that if he takes one more step…and he takes one step. Before they can even react, about thirty other weapons get cocked at Kate and Sayid, and they are surrounded on all sides by a bunch of tatty Others. They take their guns.
At the Orchid, they are still watching the death soldiers. Locke can’t see Keamy. Ben removes his Extendo-Baton from his sleeve and hands it to John. Ben delegates John a long verbose list of instructions which don’t need to be recapped, telling him how to enter the REAL Orchid station. Hurley is little surprised that they had a fake. Locke is more worried about the death squad Frarmy. Locke wants to know how. Ben snaps and says ‘How many times do I have to tell you, John? I always have a plan’…and here is where I broke into applause. 
Although I don’t remember Ben saying that he has a plan other than this time. I’ve heard him say that he has a man on a boat, and Jack say that he has a plan, in the first two finales.
As the camera follows the people who escape the island we get some bloody beautiful, and very new music Giacchino hasn’t used before. Ben goes off to uncertain doom.
Sun comes onto the deck with Aaron with her body looking slightly disproportionate.
Jack and Sawyer go off to do what they do best, save their friend.
Kate and Sayid are marched off with Richard Alpert and Others, facing punishment for having kind hearts.
Hurley and Locke hide in the bushes, waiting for their cue to do their part and save the island.
And we realise that we love them all. Even
Ben who enters the forum of the Orchid to hear, just like Kate and Sayid, a whole lotta guns click at him. Out walks Keamy with an arrogant swagger. Ben looks at the man who killed his daughter and any memory of her and introduces himself. Keamy puts a gun to his head. Great plan, Ben. 
Ah you’re alive in the future, you’ll be fine. Keamy flinches and Ben is thrown back and you think he’s been shot, but he’s just been nutbutted in the face.
LOST
Grading: A
Interesting points raised: Hurley’s with Locke and Ben, soon to be joined by Jack and James. I don’t know where Kate and Sayid are going but they are done no serious harm, so they are probably going to the Orchid, where hopefully Richard Alpert and all save the day…hopefully not killing Keamy before removing that device which might cause the C4 to go off killing Desmond, Michael, and Jin. They better bloody not die, I love them all! So the day is saved at The Orchid, then Hurley, Kate, Jack, and Sayid get on the helicopter, but Sawyer chooses to stay, asking Kate to do him some favour, then they shoot off to the boat where they pick up Sun and Aaron…then they must either conspire together or be duressed into making the Oceanic 6 story. And we still have to find out who coffin guy is. Hopefully not Sayid or Michael or Frank! Charlotte and Miles surely have a big part to play, and presumably Claire, too. The great thing about finales is that each regular cast member has their own part to play, so it would be good to see Miles and
I’d like to see Juliet bumped up a bit more into the action
So, all the things we’ve yet to see and have been promised this season are: a really awesome kiss; a seismic sky turning purple event (probably the island movement); a scene with Yunjin Kim in London; a full explanation to establish and place in context Jack’s keenness to return to Craphole island; the identity of the person in the coffin (everyone’s assuming it’s a man, no refers to the body as a he, though) and an ultra secret scene towards the end nicknamed the frozen donkey wheel.
I predict this finale gives more answers than questions, which is a bit annoying as last year we had a ridiculously huge question answered and got thousands of other little niggling questions introduced, which was brilliant. Here, I don’t think we’ll get so many compelling questions, which leaves me feeling a bit empty. But I think we all will.
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