We open on the fourth coolest fellah in Lost. Sayid’s pause is fettered by the Miles exposition that he is being paid big money to get Linus, and that he needs to get him from Locke. Sayid finds a bracelet on Naomi’s wrist, with the inscription ‘N, I’ll always be with you R.C. (or R.G.)’ Kate interrupts Miles’ resolve to get Charlotte, saying that they can’t just go in and grab her as they’re armed. This is Miles expression:
‘So are we’ he says, and is interrupted again by Sayid asking whether the helicopter will fly. Uh duh, you said it would to Jack in last week’s episode, moron. Frank says yes, and Sayid clear headedly reminds the Lostaways that they did call the freighters to rescue them initially. Frank agrees to escort three people to the freighter. Miles brilliantly says ‘In case you zoned out while you were tweezing your goatee, one of these yahoos took Charlotte prisoner’ Heh, clearly Frank has never tweezed his goatee. Sayid promises to bring Charlotte back safely, on the condition that he shall be taken to the ship.
We FLASH to Sayid playing golf in the Seychelles. A golf buggy pulls up next to him. An amiable man gets outs and strikes up a meaningless boring conversation about golf extortion. They bet on which golf club can get the ball closer to the hole. Sayid takes his shot. S’not bad. The friendly Italian asks Sayid what he does for a living. Sayid says he does nothing, obviously displaying more tact about his occupation that Jack, who’s first real conversation in the pilot episode to a complete stranger he clearly fancied the pink fluffy knickers off her was ‘I very nearly killed a 12-year-old girl, once’, Sayid is most definitely covering up his career as a vile torturer…for sure, as the previews said that this week one of the Oceanic 6 would be revealed and that surely can’t mean that the episodes flashback is a flashforward…innit? The Italian bloke probes further and Sayid admits that he was the recipient of a large settlement from a plane crash…HE is one of the Oceanic 6…I was right! This Italian bloke looks scared shitless and starts trembling and stuttering. Sayid encourages him to take the shot, he does and makes to leave. Sayid, whose moments on the island were too busy shagging Shannon to play Hurley and Jin at some island golf, lost the bet. I’m not condemning him though…Shagging Shannon or watching Jin Having A Temper-Tantrum on the Golf Course. Sayid good naturedly wants to pay the bet, but the stupidly stereotypically heavily accented Italian, who we can tell is Italian from his earlier utterance of ‘Excellente!’, making Sayid an offer he couldn’t refuse, and speaking with his hands. ‘I insist, Mr Avelline’ Sayid says and pulls a gun of his bag and shoots him. Damn, Don Avelline is gonna be sleeping with the fishies.
Sayid calmly takes his bag, not bothering to complete his shot, and walks off, as all the sprinklers go off. Very cool, Lost.LOST
Sayid walks into a bar. Ouch. Sayid walks into a bar cum restaurant, perves on some girl who resembles Shannon, then negotiates a seat next to an attractive woman wearing a peculiar waistcoat. I’ve never seen Sayid so nattily dressed, by the way. His hair looks a bit crap though. Sayid strikes up a conversation with the girl whose name is Elsa, (who is played by a woman called Thekla which makes me laugh as it’s one of those words which sounds rude but isn’t. Other rude sounding words which make me laugh include cassock, bollard, titillate, and Dick Butkus) and orders an espresso. On being asked what he does, he says he is corporate recruiter. Her job is to shop for an economist. If her beeper goes off, she must be at his side immediately, which only happens a couple times each year. Sayid pulls a rubbish line out of his arse saying something about ‘Oh must be why you are enjoying a luxuriously long mint blah blah blah’ She not drinking anything long at all, he cup is the exact same size as his espresso, and what on earth is so special about it to be called luxurious. We’re not on a desert island or holding cell any more, Sayid, dating is a lot more slicker in the real world than saying something like ‘Would you please translate these French epistles’ Elsa grins coquettishly. They at each other longingly. OFFS, this is going to be another long con flashback where Sayid falls for his mark like Sawyer did, but screws her over anyway. Sayid asks her to dinner. She inventively and humorously marks out a place on the map for him to take her and leaves. Sayid makes a ridiculously short, very masculine phone call telling The Boss he made contact. Then he dumps the phone in the bin…for THAT. Save the phone, use a phone booth, or the restaurant’s phone, for an episode titled The Economist, I’m, not seeing much economising. He cleans his hand on the snow, subtly saying that he resents The Boss.
Back on the island, Sayid is checking Naomi’s bag and discovers that picture of Desmond and Penny, shows it to Jack, and fills him in on her supposed agenda that old Widders was stalkerishly sending people out to find the man she hasn’t snogged for over 6 years and dumped her. Jack asks how long it would take to get to the beach and back. Kate lifts her back to respond but Juliet answers, and Kate looks about shiftily and moodily. Jack asks Sayid's plan and he says he will get Charlotte off of Locke. That’s not a plan, that’s an objective. Jack asked for your PLAN. Jack ain’t coming because, as Sayid reminds him, he went ballistic and tried to shoot Locke. Miles butts in and does a Kate with the whole ‘I’m coming WITH you,’ and Sayid reassures him that he is. Miles wants his gun back. Sayid ignores him. Legend.
Team Locke are trekking through the jungle. Sawyer asks if Ben’s ready to give them a name. Locke says Ben won’t because that’s the only thing keeping him alive. ‘Well, here’s an idea,’ Sawyer pipes up, ‘Why don’t we get a gun, point it at his big toe and sent that little piggie to market?’ OMFG that was classic. ‘If he still doesn’t want to tell us, we’ll move onto the roast beef’ Locke is not a fan of the idea because that means they’ll have to carry him. They come to the cabin but it’s not there. Bugger. Claire asks Locke how longer they’re gonna be because she needs to feed Aaron. Aaron and I lick our lips. Hurley licks his because she said the word ‘feed’. Ben (why haven’t they gagged him??) says that John is lost and needs guidance from someone. John admits he was mistaken and sets off for the Barracks. The people in the group with speaking roles all discuss the right thing to do about Charlotte. John’s vision appears to be clouded AGAIN and Hurley is the only sensible voice of reason. He’s such a hero. John just walks all over democracy.
Jack and Kate share a moment and an inside joke of how being asked not to come along is what Kate has to go through all the time. Yeah Kate, Jack was asked not to come along because he has too many personal issues, you’re never asked to come along because you’re a liability, you’ve got crap aim, and your flashbacks are always boring. Jack says ‘does that mean I should wait twenty minutes and go anyway?’ Kate laughs and gives an expression like she wants less inside jokes, more inside Jacks
I’ve realised that joke is too dirty and doesn’t work because Kate probably doesn’t have a penis. Too late to change it! Jack tells Kate she should go with them, as Sawyer won’t let any harm befall Kate. Jack has been a much better leader than Locke in this episode. Kate joins the miniscule posse of Sayid and Miles and they head out. Frank asks Jack about Sayid. Jack tells him that their diplomat was a torturer. Frank squints in befuddlement:
A while later Sayid is asking Miles about his relationship with Naomi. He is more concerned about the Locke and the formation of The Great Schism. Sayid admits it was because there was a debate about whether the freighters were coming to rescue them or to kill them. Sayid was neutral but curiosity made him stay with Group B.
FLASHFORWARD to the Big Date. Elsa looks like Naomi Watts in King Kong except wearing red instead of white. With Sayid, it’s not so much King Kong, but more Beauty and the Beast…and a Sexy Beast at that with Sayid’s rugged chin and his thick caress-able locks. It turns out that it’s not the Big Date, it’s their 5th. It bloody better be with the way they’re munching on each others faces. Elsa decides to let her hair down and not bring out the beeper (whoa, this dame’s got spunk!) Sayid volunteers to carry the beeper (chivalry, eh? Pfft) Sayid tells her to tell her boss that there is newer technology. Good point, beepers and pagers are lost on me, I can’t see why they would be needed now that phones are about. It’s like, why bother with fax machines when there’s email? Do you reckon that employees of fax machine companies aren’t allowed to use e-mails in the same way that people who are employed by Coca-Cola can’t drink Pepsi? Perhaps her Economist boss invented the pager and she has to stand by its uses, even though at the time of this flashforward there’s probably iPhones and everything. Elsa asks Sayid is he has a boss. He says everybody has a boss. What the hell is this lame pillow talk?? Ugh I hate episodes written by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, they always write episodes which have bad continuity, like Expose, clutch at straws concerning character motives, like D.O.C., or are just plain appalling, like Fire + Water…still, they aren’t that bad, with episodes like Greatest Hits and tonight’s ep, they’re pretty funny writers, as they wrote Tricia Tanaka is Dead and Dave. Moving on…Sayid looks enticed by all this talk of bosses
Elsa doesn’t 
She asks why Sayid is still in Germany as he said he’d only be there for one week. Sayid vaguely says the job he’s on is proving harder to accomplish than he thought. If she couldn’t work out from that that she is the job, she’s a dumbass. She says she was hoping it was for her benefit. They must leave…Strauss awaits. Oh Sayid, you old dog.Back on the island, Daniel is messing around with electronic equipment. Jack asks Frank what Daniel’s up to. Frank doesn’t know what these kids are doing half the time these days, and spits out some tobacco into a tin. Well, no he doesn’t but anyway Daniel asks Frank for the phone blithering and blathering like a dimwit. He gets the phone but Frank interestingly warns him to hang up if Minkowski answers. Weird. Daniel calls up Regina, checks their signals are clear and asks her to fire the payload. She does. She counts down the distance from the payload to the beacon. Interestingly, when the payload arrives according to her machinery. It’s nowhere to be seen on the island ‘That’s weird,’ Regina says. You don’t say. Well, she did, but anyway, Daniel furrows his brows trying to get his head round.
Sayid and posse come to the yellow housed Barracks. ‘What’s with the swing set,’ Miles asks, ‘These people got day-care?’ Obviously not, Miles, were you not eagerly discussing on forums how the opening of series 3 and revelation of where The Others lived significantly didn’t have any children present? Kate superbly ignores him and Sayid leads them on to do some exploring. They hear some shouting and banging. They run into…Juliet’s old house, and discover Hurley bound and gagged in a cupboard. Dum dum duuuuum…
Hurley’s expositing and says the word ‘like’ about 50 times which annoys Mana Lucia. He calls Hurley tubby. Hurley is a little stunned and says ‘Oh awesome, the ship sent us another Sawyer’ Heh. The upshot of it all is that they left Hurley and went off on their own, but not before subtly mentioning going to Ben’s house. Miles is veeeery interested in Ben’s house.
Jack asks Frank if the Red Sox really did win the Series. This is a sore subject for Frankee Lapu, the Yankee Blue. It’s a touching moment, interrupted by some sharp bleeping. It’s the payload. It lands in front of Daniel and he opens it. He doesn’t look happy. According to the clock on the island, it’s 2:45, the clock from the freighter reads 3:16, a difference of 31 minutes. Daniel says it’s not good. Frank sees Juliet and Desmond arrive. Remember how last week, the Lostaways reactions to seeing the helicopter really filled me with exhilaration? It’s almost as good repeated here again with Desmond’s expression, except he’s having a Janet Jackson-esque wardrobe malfunction. Put it away, Des.
Back in the Ben’s house, the posse and Hurley split up. Kate searches the bedroom. It’s clear. Sayid’s in the living room and runs his fingers over the bookshelf. He notices scratches on the floor where the bookcase had been pulled out. He pulls open the bookcase to find a secret room. Hmm convenient. I wouldn’t nearly be so cynical if this kind of BS hadn’t been used already in D.O.C., written by these same men, to shed light in The Staff. I didn’t really like that kind of pulling the wool over then, and it’s only made up for it by what Sayid discovers. He discovers a room full of clothes and luggage. There’s a desk in the middle of the room and Sayid opens a drawer. It’s full of money in mixed currencies. Riiiight…He opens another drawer. Inside are plenty of passports with Ben’s face in them. Is it like some sort of Dave Gorman project where there a hundreds of Benjamin Linus’ around the world and Ben has been tracking them down because of a drunken bet? Don’t look at me like that, it’s equally as likely as some nerd being JASON BOURNE. The name in the Swiss passport seems to say Linjamin Benus but I have on good authority (i.e. High-Def) that it says Dean Moriarty.
Sayid is astonished.
Kate checks under the bed. Yes, you’re really going to find Team Locke under a bed. You deserve to be in jail! She sees some shoes enter the room. She jumps up and cocks the gun at…Sawyer. He tells her to sshh. Sayid hears her screaming from the bedroom. Oo ’ello. He hurdles out of the secret room to be faced with a gun held by Locke. Locke tells Hurley he did a good job. Oo Hurley’s full of surprises.
Rousseau marches Sayid out by rifle point. Locke’s talking the ‘angry Chinese guy’ Sayid says that he’s not going to hurt them and Hurley says ‘Yeah, I saw you snap that guys neck with that break dancing thing you do with your legs’ Yeah, Sayid saw you run over a guy with a hippy bus. It’s a shame to see these two so tense, they should think back to their little night under the stars listening to Moonlight Serenade. They put Sayid in Tom’s play room, where Ben is currently being kept. Yay! Sayid and Ben together at last! The last time they met, the least gun-crazy person in the room was Ana-Lucia, and THAT’S saying something. Ben bet that Sayid wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for Hurley's lame duck of a story. What does that tell you, Ben? Hurley's a damn better liar than you. Ben very creepily says that there’s no use in having friends you can’t trust. Which is why he is a Billy No-Mates
Kate is with Sawyer in the bedroom. Oo ’ello. Kate asks Sawyer if he’s with Locke. Oo ’ello (I promise I’ll stop) Sawyer asks why Kate’s with Jack and she says it’s because she believes he can get them off the island. Sawyer tells her he doesn’t want to leave. Josh Holloway, who was such an underrated actor last year and missed out on an Emmy nomination, which was ludicrous, as he was the best actor in series three, plays the agony well
He admits that there’s nothing back there for him. What a change from ep 1.22: Kate: Why do you want off this island so much? Sawyer: cos there ain’t anythin’ on this island worth stayin’ for… They’ve come so far. Kate doesn’t really understand 
She asks what’s on the island that’s worth them staying for. Sawyer is too much of a man to say because this is the place where we fell in love and consummated our relationship. He’d be wrong as that island would be located two miles away from the one they’re currently on. Instead he asks her why she wants to go. She runs, he cons. Sawyer reasons that on the island they have roves over their heads, running water, they can make a fresh start and leave everything behind. Kate can’t see it lasting. Cold, girl. He loves you. Sawyer says ‘why don’t we find out?’ It’s so romantic and heartbreaking and naïve and childlike and wonderful. Ah god bless whoever wrote this episode. Oh bugger…Anyways, Sawyer breaks Kate’s gaze and looks at the floor sheepishly.Locke enters the ‘cell’ with some ice tea. Without the ice. So it’s tea. But not. Whatever. Sayid’s thinking, alright, ‘Mikhail’. Locke doesn’t pour a glass for Ben. He apologises for the ambush because he didn’t know how many there would be. How did he know they were even coming? How did he know when? Would he have let Hurley stay in the closet forever. Sayid asks where Miles and Kate are. Kate’s with Sawyer and Miles is elsewhere. Sayid asks him how things went with Charlotte, which is a great sedge way into asking to trade for her. He comes forward with honesty and says that he doesn’t believe they are there to rescue them or that they’re telling the truth, but if he returns safely with Charlotte, they will take him to the freighter and he can assess them. Who better than Sayid? No one, that’s who, and I’m sure the whole island would agree. Locke says he can save Sayid the trouble because Ben apparently has someone on the boat. Sayid is very interested in this and asks who. Ben says it’s a secret. It’s a Michael, admit it. Sayid says ‘Forgive me, but the day I start trusting him is the day I would have sold my soul.’ Is that the ghost of foreshadowing I hear? Sayid tells Locke that unless he hands over Charlotte there will be another war. We really don’t want more bloodshed, do we? Not so fast on the heels of Charlie. Locke is promised that he’s not getting nothing for Charlotte’s exchange and we go into
FLASHFORWARD where Sayid and Elsa are lying on one of those brilliant bedsheets you only see in films where the man’s torso is exposed, but the woman’s cleavage and mossy cleft aren’t, yet her belly is.
They talk pillows of pillow talk on how little Elsa knows about him and the crash and his current life whilst she accidentally admits that they are in love. They start yamming on each other after staring at their eyes for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The beeper goes off. The Economist is calling. She puts on a gown to look at it for some reason. Sayid is deliberating. He knows this is his moment to strike but is he so completely dead inside to betray this innocent girl’s trust. Sayid decides to come clean…about the TRUTH, not that, you sick minded devils. Sayid tells Cassidy, sorry Elsa, she has to leave. Sayid hilariously flicks a bang out of his eye only for another one to fall over the other. Sayid puts on a Gap short sleeve Stretch crew neck (don’t ask how I know) while Elsa asks follow up questions on why he is concerned about her boss. She realises that the coffee shop was not a coincidence or as Sayid’s broken English terrorist mate Omar says ‘happenstance’ She realises that he is there to kill her boss. She flares her nostrils and retreats to the bathroom, turning on a tap. Sayid says her employer’s name is on a list, Sayid’s employer’s list. Elsa asks who that is. Sayid yells that it doesn’t matter. Sayid tells her that the man she is working for is not an economist. She shoots Sayid. Whoa! Where did that come from? She hits in the pits while Sayid chokes shocked. That’s bullet number three, by my count. Meanwhile Elsa speaks hurriedly in German that the Economist was meant to page her at ten thirty. Bad time keeping seems to be a theme this episode. Sayid sees a gun hanging conveniently by the headboard. Did no one notice this before and think to ask the owner any questions?? Elsa knows that Sayid won’t give up the name and can’t see the point of keeping him alive. She is told to bring Sayid to the safe house and hangs up. Sayid grabs her attention by breaking a mirror. She comes out and gets shot. Can’t anyone else hear this? She actually dies, unlike Sayid. He comes over and shuts her eyes while a bogey drips off his nose.
Back at the helicopter, Des is busting Frank’s chops over the picture of him and Penny. He and Daniel are none the wiser. Desmond wants in on the helicopter trip so he can get answers. ‘He’s back’ says Juliet. ‘He’ is Sayid, who has successfully got Charlotte with him. Jack says my favourite Jack catchphrase ‘Where’s Kate?’ (see 2.01 - Man of Science, Man of Faith) and on the news that she decided to stay looks truly hurt and confused.
Aw, Jack. If it’s thick thighs and big knocker’s you’re after, Juliet’s right next to you. Miles is not with Sayid. He ‘traded’ him. Frank says this is cheating, but hey Miles is a knob so no one cares. There’s one spot left. No one wants it. Daniel tells Frank to be sure to follow the exact same bearing they came in on, no matter what. No matter WHAT. Even if they pass the freighter and reach Los Angeles, just follow that damn bearing, dagnabbit. Frank says Roger that. Daniel looks at Charlotte. Ooo I’d like to roger that…if YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Jack is comfortable with Sayid in the driving seat for this mission and declines to come along. Sayid asks about that spare spot to Frank and wants to take Naomi to join them as there’s no one else to take. And what’s Juliet, a pot plant? They lift off. The music is Sayid’s theme but with a more cinematic and romantic revision. Sayid’s leaving behind the home he must return to. It’s a great moment
In FLASHFORWARD, Sayid stumbles weakly into a German vets. ‘Take your shirt off’ the Boss says, and starts tending to Sayid's wound.
‘Is she dead?’ he asks. Sayid has Elsa Confirmed Dead. The Boss asks ‘Why didn’t she kill you?’ Heyyy I recognise that guy’s voice, but no it can’t be. My friend who I’m watching with, Oscar jumps to attention and thins his eyes in concentration. He knows that voice too…Sayid says it was because she was trying to get information from him.
‘What sort of information?’ asks the Boss. Sayid says she wanted to know who he worked for.
‘Of course she did’ says Ben.
AAAAAH!!!
Oscar jumps and cups his mouth in shock. I fall off my chair.
‘Why are you crying, because it hurts? Or because you were stupid enough to care for her? These people don’t deserve our sympathies. Remember the last time you fought with your heart instead of your gun’ (I’m not sure if he said ‘thought’ or ‘fought’…’thought’ works better, but lip-reading says he said ‘fought’) Sayid said that Ben used ‘her’ to recruit him into killing for him.
‘Do you want to protect your friends or not, Sayid?’ Sayid looks dead.
‘I have another name for you,’ Ben says.
‘But they know I’m after them now,’ argues Sayid.
The music gets waaaaay too tense.
‘Good’ replies Ben
LOST and this time instead of the normal sonic boom sound that accompanies the end title card we get a sharp strike on a double bass, shocking us again because it’s BEN.
Grading: A
Interesting points raised: What the hell man!
The woman Sayid will fall for is it on island or off island? Could it be Charlotte? He likes tall women.
Why is Ben in a German vets!
The Economist and his time issues…does this mean he is on the island, and that it could be an on-island entity like Locke or Jacob. Could Jacob have spat Ben away and this is Ben’s way of getting back to the island to ruin Jacob. But Jacob knows all! If not someone on the island, the Economist might be Abbadon, though I doubt someone as hard to find as the Economist would show up to meet Hurley in person, it’s more likely that Abbadon is in his employ. Could it be Christian Shepherd? But he’s dead. Widmore? No, he would be easier to find, just go through Desmond to Penny. How about Paik? Again, he’s too public and easy to find. These are new enemies.
How is Sayid killing a friendly Italian guy protecting his friends?
I ate 11 packets of Hula Hoops watching this ep. They are rubbish, there can’t be more than 15 in a packet
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