Blood on the Shop Floor: Part Six
SCENE 1: THE REMAINING CAST LUCKY ENOUGH TO STILL BE IN POSSESSION OF THEIR LIVES ARE STANDING AWKWARDLY IN WOMENS IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS, BAR SHAFA WHO REMAINS IN SOFT SLUMBER IN THE STAFFROOM. THIS LEAVES
KHUS: I have the fortunate news that I know the identity of the killer, and yes, before you ask, the guilty one is among us.
EVERYONE LOOKS SURPRISED AND GASPS.
SCREEN SUDDENLY GOES BLACK WITH A PRETENTIOUS QUOTE:
‘HE WHO CUTS THE FIREWOOD HEATS HIMSELF TWICE’ – LAO TZU
BLAKE STUDIES EVERYBODY’S EXPRESSION TO SEE SOME TELL TALE GUILT. IT APPEARS TO BE JUST SURPRISE.
KHUS: Yes, let that soak in…I know who you are.
PAUSE. KHUS LOOKS EVERYONE IN THE EYE, RESTING FINALLY ON ANA…THE CULPRIT.
KHUS: Ana!
ANA’S EYES WIDEN.
KHUS: You were found with amoxicillin in your locker. Are you aware that we found amoxicillin at the scene of the crime?
ANA: Um no…
KHUS: And it may interest you to know that the doctor who prescribed the antibiotic, was the very same doctor who prescribed your medication.
ANA: Well that’s just coincidence.
KHUS: Stop lying, Ana. You have been known to resent our expired store manager because of her fake exterior. I haven’t trusted you from the beginning. And I am sure it does not surprise you that we found a brown hair with flecks of light in it…Does it?? You have the next 5 minutes to come up with an explanation…Shabana!
SHABANA: ?
KHUS: I’ve had my reservations about you from day 1…which if you think about it, it is really still day 1…but there’s something about you, a bizarre mouse like ability to get yourself from point A to B without getting noticed. Ana said that you did not leave when we were all gathered around the stairs over there last night, but (OVERLY DRAMATIC PAUSE) you did leave…I noticed, and so did Blake. Isn’t that right, Blake?
BLAKE (A LA LI’L JOHN): Yeah!
KHUS: So where did you disappear to, when you silently left the floor? Let’s also not forget that, as I told Ana, we found a brown hair with lighter coloured parts on the manager’s dead body. If I’m not much mistaken, and take me to an opticians if I am, our manager’s hair is black? And does your hair not fit the description?
SHABANA: Umm…
KHUS: You have some explaining to do. I’m not finished with you, not by a long shot.
SHABANA: ?
KHUS: Pardeep
PARDEEP: What’s poppin?
KHUS: You were one of the first people to leave, to apparently ‘go to the vending machines’ I don’t trust you one jot or tickle. You go by the moniker Wasteman…
LAUREN (QUIETLY): Monica left ages ago
IBRAHIM (QUIETLY): What was that about your knickers?
RAMSEY (QUIETLY): What was that about her knockers?
MARIGOLD (QUIETLY): Who has no cars?
DOREEN (QUIETLY): Who got cussed?
OSCAR (QUIETLY): Who eats dust?
KHUS: A form of address you should be ashamed of, Pardeep. You might be operating under the pretence of being level headed, but clearly you are hiding something…Oscar!
OSCAR: Whhhaaaat, wha’you’waaaaan’?
KHUS: Well I just plain don’t like you. You were gone for an incredibly long period of time looking for Ibrahim and conveniently were still looking for him when
OSCAR: I’m sorry everybody is dead.
KHUS:
KHUS: Doreen. You did not leave the shop floor.
DOREEN: So I’m innocent?
KHUS: For now. If we turn to the guiltiest person in this mess so far, you, Dominik, you pathetic, witless, spineless, shady, backstabbing conniver of a man, you managed to steal under the noses of your fellow work mates, what’s to say you didn’t murder four people here tonight?
DOMINIK SILENTLY FUMES
KHUS: If there’s anything I hate more than a thief, it’s a murderer. Watch, you’ll go down…Marigold!
MARIGOLD: Yes?
KHUS: Consider yourself innocent. There’s absolutely no evidence to put you at the deaths of any of these people. In contrast to that, we have an overwhelming amount of evidence for you, Ibrahim.
IBRAHIM: Please not again.
KHUS: First, we have your long absence from the shop floor during the same timeframe as the murder. Second, we have you returning to the workers with blood on you. Third, you smell of gun smoke. Fourth, we have your attack on Lauren in the toilets. Fifth, the abundantly large amount of money occupying your locker. Six, no evidence of remorse over any of the deaths. Seven, ever since coming here you have displayed nought but hostility and violence, instability and substance abuse. Eight, it was well known you despised our deceased manager. Nine, Loic always stole your thunder in the stockroom.
IBRAHIM: er…
KHUS: I’m willing to discount reason number 8, as no one seems to have liked her.
IBRAHIM: You’ve lost a fucking wingnut, mate!
KHUS: Silence! You have a lot of problems Ibrahim, but I believe you when you say you did not kill anybody tonight.
IBRAHIM: Thank you! I was holding onto fucking Ramsey’s gay hand when Loic died.
KHUS: Well, interesting that you mention that, as it is clear to me that Ramsey has been concealing a secret all night, haven’t you Ramsey?
RAMSEY (GUILTILY): Umm…no…
KHUS: It’s not going to stay a secret for long. You might as well say it now. Nothing?
RAMSEY: I’ve got nothing to say.
KHUS: Well who does that leave?
ONLY LAUREN IS LEFT
KHUS: Lauren…you left the floor after being humiliated by Anis and Matt. Also you hated ‘Frumps’ because she bullied you. Does anyone else notice how everyone who annoys Lauren ends up dead? Look out Ibrahim.
LAUREN: It’s honestly not me.
KHUS: Really? It would make perfect sense to me. But shut up. Enough speculating. Let me show you who the killer is.
KHUS, WHO HAD BEEN STANDING IN FRONT OF THE JAR OF JAM, MOVES SIDEWAYS SO EVERYBODY CAN SEE IT.
LAUREN: Jam…is the killer?
SCREEN SUDDENLY GOES BLACK WITH A PRETENTIOUS QUOTE:
‘EVERY DAY I GET PEOPLE ASKING ME WHAT’S MY SECRET OF SUCCESS…AND I ALWAYS REPLY WITH THE ANSWER: JAM’ – CAB CALLOWAY
PARDEEP: He’s crazy.
KHUS: Negative, folks, the jam is not the killer. The jam belongs to the killer. Who owns the jam?
DOREEN: Del Monte?
KHUS: Someone shut her up
BLAKE: That’s Oscar’s jar of jam
EVERYBODY GASPS. OSCAR LOOKS SHOCKED HE’S BEEN FOUND OUT.
OSCAR: Fucker fuck off no way fuck you go.
KHUS: Does it not make sense? Let me explain. Oscar left the shop floor supposedly looking for Ibrahim. Ibrahim says he was in the stockroom, in actual fact he wanted to hide in the toilets and watch either Ana or Isis go, but he was too late. He milled around then returned afterwards. In that time when Oscar was looking for him, Oscar, one of the only people who knew the code to the manager’s office, opened the door and shot the manager in the face with malice. But let me not get ahead of myself. Only a weekday person would have been able to murder the visuals Ola and Emma, as they only work weekdays. Poor Margaret, was loathed by Oscar as she was shaping up to be a better supervisor than him, and Karen was going to promote her. So let me recap: he killed Margaret out of jealousy and greed. He then killed Ola and Emma, who he lived with so he could relax in solitude. I am surprised no one instantly turned to him when we found out they were murdered, as it was common knowledge the three of them lived together, surely Oscar would have mentioned something throughout the day about them not being there? No, he didn’t. And then Matt graffitied the fridge, causing everybody to be held behind. This was his perfect opportunity. He left the floor when he could, and shot the manager with a silenced pistol. Then he left off to some other area and waited for someone else to discover the body so he could act surprised. Then he went over to the body under the pretence of looking for the door keys, knowing forensic investigators would search for hairs. He left behind a single long light brown hair, and unwittingly a blob of jam he had taken from the jar when he was hiding, which Blake and I mistakenly thought was blood, when he stole the keys. Oscar, empty your pockets!
EVERYBODY LOOKS AT OSCAR EXPECTANTLY. OSCAR ANGRILY LOOKS BACK. THEN HE PULLS OUT THE DOOR KEYS. EVERYBODY GASPS.
OSCAR: I can explain…
KHUS: Oh no, I can explain. Oscar stole the keys from her body in front of everyone and pretended that there was no escape. Then he was placed upstairs by me, and when the lights blew, he withdrew his gun, wrapped it in cashmere, which is found only on the adult’s floor. I should have guessed sooner that it could only have been Lauren,
MARIGOLD: But how could he see in the dark?
KHUS: Have you ever seen Oscar eat lunch? Every meal is full of beta-carotene…Carrots. The vitamin A makes one’s eyes healthy and better at seeing in the dark than usual. He shot Loic, and then Delicia who he saw was holding his hand, discarded the cashmere sweater he used to muzzle the gun, then ran back upstairs, where Anis returned from his journey to, I believe, the toilets. Then Oscar came to Blake and I and told us that Anis had gone off the floor before the blackout, which was classic misdirection, and I’m sorry to say I fell for it. In that time he discarded the gun somewhere, and he was deeply insulted by Anis, so in a rage, he stabbed Anis to death, and then everything turned to hell from there.
EVERYONE IS SHOCKED…
BLAKE: um…actually Khus, I believe you are wrong.
KHUS: Wrong? How could I possibly be wrong? Everything’s been tied up in a nice little package. It’s Oscar
BLAKE: I don’t think so.
KHUS: Why?
BLAKE: Well, you neglected to say that we found tablets for epinephrine, tamoxifen, amoxicillin and hydrogen peroxide
KHUS: And?
BLAKE: Either our store manager was a drug fiend or she had a very specific certain disease.
ANA: And what disease did she have?
BLAKE: There is a disease that targets women called McLeron’s Disease. The first symptom in women is the shakes. Next, they feel twinges in their lower extremities. Then back pain. Then anal fissures. Then the most painful death in the world, where the inside of the body expands to a size greater than the outside of your body and you corrode.
LAUREN: Death? She was going to die anyway?
BLAKE: Don’t get ahead of yourself, Lauren. She wasn’t going to die. However, she thought she was. She did display each and every one of those symptoms, but she wasn’t going to die.
SHABANA: Why not?
BLAKE: Because we are making one very big incorrect assumption. Let’s go right down to the basics…what was she?
LAUREN: A manager
BLAKE: More basic than that
LAUREN: A store manager for the retail company…
BLAKE: I said basic, you’re thinking too literally. Think laterally. What was she? I’m not asking for her job
DOREEN: She was in her late forties
BLAKE: Simpler
MARIGOLD: She was a woman
BLAKE: Snap!
KHUS: What?
BLAKE: We all made the assumption that she was a she
KHUS: We what??
SCREEN SUDDENLY GOES BLACK WITH YET ANOTHER PRETENTIOUS QUOTE:
‘SHE’S A LADY. WHOA WHOA WHOA SHE’S A LADY’ – TOM JONES
BLAKE: Yes, she certainly looked like a woman
BLAKE: But she had male pseudo hermaphroditism. See we all start out as girls, but we’re differentiated based on our genes…the ovaries develop into testes and drop, but about one in a hundred and fifty thousand pregnancies a foetus with an XY chromosome, a boy, develops into something else…like her, er him. His testes never descended because he was immune to testosterone, he was pure oestrogen, hence the heightened female characteristics: bossiness, bitchiness, general per-heff-ery
LAUREN: That’s impossible
BLAKE: No, it isn’t. Ask Ibrahim or Ramsey
ANA: Ah?
BLAKE: They both knew. Didn’t you?
THEY ARE SILENT
BLAKE: See as we all know, Ibrahim likes to hide out in the toilets and watch girls go. One day he had the unfortunate luck to be privy to Frumps’ privies. He saw her testicles.
LAUREN: So she knew?
BLAKE: No HE did not know that HE was a man
PARDEEP: How come?
BLAKE: Have you seen his waistline? He wouldn’t even be able to see his toes.
PARDEEP: True
BLAKE: But I digress…
LAUREN: Hang on, she must have felt it
BLAKE: I think you’re giving him too much credit. I seriously doubt he checked around there, or even washed around it
DOREEN: That’s disgusting
PARDEEP: That’s rank
LAUREN: But wait, she had a kid!
BLAKE: Seriously, if he had a kid, don’t you reckon the other parent would have come calling around now. Come on, fix up, look sharp.
ANA: She lied?
BLAKE: He lied
SHABANA: But you said she didn’t know she was a guy
BLAKE: He assumed he was a woman from her facial features and how her parents raised him…man these pronouns are starting to confuse me.
DOREEN: You’re telling me.
BLAKE: He truly believed he was a woman, but he invented the lie that he had a husband and a kid to make himself sound like he had someone loving back at home waiting for him.
LAUREN: That’s so sad
GHOST OF ANIS: And so’s yer face
BLAKE: Like I said, we’re getting off topic. Ibrahim found this out and the first person he told was Ramsey. Ramsey also has a secret.
RAMSEY: You are joking
BLAKE: Don’t protest, Ramsey. That money in Ibrahim’s locker came from you, bribing him not to tell the manager himself.
RAMSEY: Why would I do that?
BLAKE: I’ll tell you why…or maybe Ibrahim can
IBRAHIM: He blatantly loved her, it was bare bate.
BLAKE: Is it not true that when you were young, you and your parents got mauled by a bear in
RAMSEY: Yes, but I don’t see…
BLAKE: And is it not true that our dead store manager kinda looks like a bear.
RAMSEY: Yes…it’s true…it was an unrequited love for her…him
EVERYONE LOOKS AT HIM IN SHOCK
LAUREN: And you still fancied her, even when you knew she was a guy?
RAMSEY: Yes
DOMINIK: Wow…
RAMSEY: Dunno how the fuck he worked it out though.
KHUS: I’d like to know that too
BLAKE: I’m surprised no one else didn’t.
EVERYONE LOOKS EXPECTANTLY
BLAKE: Remember when we found the body? What was the first thing Matt said? It was ‘Damn, what hairy shoulders’ Women don’t have hairy shoulders. They have furry faces, necks, backs, even breasts, but a woman doesn’t have any hair on her shoulders. A man however…Khus, look at yours
KHUS: My neck doesn’t bend that way.
BLAKE: Then when I found out Ramsey had been mauled by a bear, I just pieced it all together.
PARDEEP: You got all that from that?
BLAKE: I was right, wasn’t I?
KHUS: Ok, so she was a man, very interesting, how does this absolve Oscar of his guilt?
BLAKE: The thing we have to come back to is the pills. She thought she had McLeron’s Disease, which Sabrina diagnosed her with because of her symptoms, a disease that targets WOMEN. The same symptoms in a man, is the harmless Golf Balls
LAUREN: Golf balls?
BLAKE: Similar to Tennis Elbow.
LAUREN: Oh
BLAKE: So don’t you see? She thought she was going to die, when she wasn’t! Which is why she asked someone to euthanize her.
KHUS: Which was?
BLAKE: Shafa
EVERYONE GASPS
LAUREN: SHAFA killed her? I mean him?
BLAKE: If we’re going to point fingers and say who killed her, technically Sabrina killed her by diagnosing her with McLeron’s disease. Technically Ramsey killed her by bribing Ibrahim not to tell her. Technically Ibrahim killed her by taking the bribe.
IBRAHIM: No I’m not taking that responsibility, it’s just a coincidence she came in to the toilet and I saw her testicles
BLAKE: Well, you chose to be a skeezy perv and hide there, so don’t think you’re innocent.
KHUS: Wait up, it’s not Shafa, she was here the whole time that night.
BLAKE: No, Shafa did not actually commit the act. She was approached by Frumps to do it and she could not so she confided in the man who loved her, and the sick bastard killed the manager
LAUREN: The man who loved her? Anis?
KHUS: But he’s dead
BLAKE: The reason it’s called a triangle is because it has three sides. We’ve got Shafa and Anis. That makes two. I think we all know number three
EVERYBODY LOOKS AT KHUS. KHUS LOOKS SHOCKED
BLAKE: Khus shot the manager, so Shafa would love him. However, on seeing what this psychopath could do, she fainted and has not come out of her reverie.
SHABANA: All this time…Shafa knew?
BLAKE: To be fair, all this time, Shafa’s been unconscious.
LAUREN: This is so weird!
BLAKE: Khus killed Frumps then shot Delicia and Loic to divert people from trying to solve the mysteries themselves. In doing so he managed to rid the two strongest people in the store, create a panic and shoulder the blame onto his greatest irritation: Anis.
IBRAHIM: Wait, so if Anis was his scapegoat, then why did he kill him straight away?
BLAKE: I thought I covered this, didn’t I say someone loved Frumps?
IBRAHIM: Yes, but…
BLAKE: Khus uses guns. Anis was stabbed. This poor innocent man was murdered because Khus told everybody Anis was the killer, and the one sad git who loved our manager then sought revenge.
EVERYONE, EVEN KHUS, TURNS THEIR HEAD TO LOOK AT RAMSEY AGAIN.
MARIGOLD: You…killed Anis?
LAUREN: Which then meant Matt killed himself, then David killed himself
ANA: Techically you killed David.
LAUREN: Shut up, Ana
DOREEN: Sorry this is too much. I don’t even know who the killer is anymore
BLAKE: Oh without a doubt the true killer is Khus and don’t anybody forget it. Ramsey was manipulated by the propaganda propagated by Khus to kill Anis. The only thing I haven’t worked out is why Khus said he had solved the case and ended up blaming Oscar. Why Oscar?
KHUS (SPITTING) Because I’ve been here for 8 years like clockwork, and Oscar was here 5 minutes and got made a supervisor. That’s why Margaret got killed too.
EVERYONE IS SHOCKED
MARIGOLD: And the visuals?
KHUS: You sales associates are too busy getting ridden by customers to realise the ongoing war between visuals and stock
BLAKE: Well, that’s true, if Loic was here he’d back me up
GHOST OF LOIC: Truesay
ANA: Wait, so why did Oscar steal the door keys trapping us here
BLAKE: Oscar?
OSCAR: I…(BRINGS HIMSELF TO SAY IT) wanted to spend some time with Doreen
DOREEN: Aaaaaaawww
SHE HUGS HIM
KHUS: But, Blake, Occam’s Razor…
BLAKE: Ah Occam’s Razor is a crock of shit, you know, I’m surprised no one didn’t suspect Khus instantly
ANA: That’s easy for you to say
MARIGOLD: Yeah, what makes you say that?
BLAKE: Ok, he stepped up to solve the murder, right, seeing as the entire store is under 24 hour surveillance from the LP room, don’t you think we could have found out the killer instantly? When the lights went out, Khus said they don’t keep those rooms locked – a true person willing to solve the case would have instantly checked the cameras
MARIGOLD: How could you have let him go on killing people for so long?
BLAKE: Well, I had my suspicions, I keep my cards close to my chest, you dig? That’s why I never let him go near my baby girl. (KISSES
MARIGOLD: So you just let Delicia and Loic die?
BLAKE: Well, nah, I was buddied up with Khus and didn’t notice him do anything in the dark, but it was clearly him. Then Anis died and I got shook because I was with Khus when it happened. Then I saw the pills and worked it out. The jam on her head was a mystery, but Oscar obviously left it there when he stole the keys. Don’t blame him, though, or even Oscar. None of this would have even happened if it weren’t for Khus…and technically Matt…and actually Sabrina, and…ah fuck it we’re all to blame, but Khus, here is the real murderer, not Ramsey
LAUREN: Khus, you’re a freak!
KHUS PULLS OUT A GUN FROM THE BACK OF HIS TROUSERS. ALL THIS TIME IT HAD BEEN HIDDEN BY HIS WHITE SHIRT. HE AIMS IT AT LAUREN. LAUREN SCREAMS.
KHUS: Say that again, say that AGAIN, I dare ya, I double dare ya, you motherfucker,
LAUREN FEARFULLY COVERS HER FACE. KHUS AIMS THE GUN AT OSCAR. EVERYBODY IS FRICKIN TENSE. NO ONE MOVES. SOME RANDOM MOUSTACHIOED BORAT LOOKALIKE CUSTOMER OUTSIDE TRIES TO OPEN THE LOCKED DOOR THINKING THAT YES, THE STORE WOULD BE OPEN AT 8 ON A SUNDAY. THIS DISTRACTION CAUSES KHUS TO PANIC AND PULL THE TRIGGER. ALL THE GIRLS AND DOMINIK SCREAM. DOREEN DIVES IN FRONT OF OSCAR TO SAVE HIM BUT SHE’S WAAAAY TOO SMALL TO HAVE ANY EFFECT AS A SHEILD, EVEN IF THE BULLET HAD EVEN HIT HER. SHE PATHETICALLY MISSES THE BULLET AND OSCAR GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. HE FALLS TO THE GROUND AND IS TENDED TO BY DOREEN. BLAKE HEROICALLY
KHUS: See how you like it, you damn mousy bitch!
SHABANA HEROICALLY THROWS THE GUN OVER TO LAUREN BEFORE GETTING WHACKED BY THE BAD END OF THE MANNEQUIN’S ARM. LAUREN TRIES TO CATCH THE GUN BUT MISSES. ANA PICKS THE GUN UP AND TRIES TO AIM IT AT A RAPIDLY ADVANCING KHUS. SHE’S WAILING AND SHAKING TOO MUCH TO AIM IT PROPERLY. SHE DECIDES TO THROW THE GUN AT KHUS’S HEAD INSTEAD. IT BOUNCES OFF HIS BONCE WITH A CLUNK INTO
LAUREN’S BRAIN: Ugh! What can I do?
SHE SUDDENLY GETS AN IDEA. SHE RUNS UP TO KHUS AND JUMPS ON HIS BACK. KHUS LETS GO OF
KHUS: Argh you little cunts! Where the fuck are you! I’m going to kill you all, if it’s the last thing I ever do! ARGH!
RAMSEY: You’ve already done the last thing you’ll ever do.
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS
RAMSEY: That’s for Delicia
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS
RAMSEY: That’s for Loic
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS
RAMSEY: That’s for Matt
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS
RAMSEY: That’s for David
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS
RAMSEY: That’s for Frumps
RAMSEY SHOOTS KHUS IN THE HEAD
RAMSEY: And THAT’S for making me a murderer for killing Anis
KHUS’ BODY JERKS WITH EACH GUN WOUND BUT DOESN’T EVER ACTUALLY FALL OVER. THE LAST SHOT IN HIS HEAD MAKES HIM TRY TO LOOK UP AT HIS FOREHEAD. HE ALMOST COMICALLY CAN’T SEE WHAT'S THERE SO HE KEEPS LOOKING UP UNTIL HE PUTS HIS HEAD BACK SO FAR HE LOSES BALANCE AND FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS.
MARIGOLD: Oh my god
PARDEEP: Shit, man
LAUREN: Oh my god
ANA: Oh my god
BLAKE: He’s gone, isn’t he?
RAMSEY: He’s definitely dead
BLAKE: Is everyone ok? (GASPS)
BLAKE RUNS AFTER
DOMINIK: Yes, me too
ANA: What a night
LAUREN: I can’t believe all this time she was a guy.
BLAKE: Yes, you can
THERE’S A BANG AT THE DOOR. EVERYONE JUMPS. IT’S GUILIANA OPENING THE STORE. SHE ENTERS.
GUILIANA: Oh! What are you all doing here?
BLAKE: Khus went crazy and shot lots of people
GUILIANA: What happened??
DOREEN: He shot Oscar
GUILIANA: Oh my gooood why no one called an ambulance?
GUILIANA: Here use mine
SHE PASSES THE PHONE OVER TO
GUILIANA: So what happened?
LAUREN: Khus killed Frumps and then Delicia and Loic, he blamed Anis for it so Ramsey killed him in revenge then Matt killed himself because Anis died, then David killed himself because Matt killed himself and then Khus blamed Oscar for all the deaths but then Blake worked out it was Khus and then Khus shot Oscar, then we all tried to fight Khus then Ramsey shot him, saving us all.
GUILIANA: Frumps?
LAUREN: You know who I mean
GUILIANA: Where’s Khus’ body?
LAUREN: It fell down the stairs
GUILIANA SCAMPERS OVER TO HAVE A LOOK.
GUILIANA: Lauren, there is no body here
LAUREN: What??
GUILIANA: There’s no Khus downstairs
LAUREN RUNS OVER TO LOOK
IT’S TRUE. THE BLOOD COVERED STAIRS ARE DESERTED.
THERE’S NO BODY.
LAUREN SCREAMS. ANA COMES OVER. ANA SCREAMS
ANA: Where…is…he???
PARDEEP: Calm down, Waste girl, me and Ramsey just carried the body upstairs. He’s over in front of the cashwrap.
ANA PUNCHES PARDEEP
LAUREN: You idiot, we thought…ugh! You’re such a loser!
ANA, LAUREN, AND GUILIANA WALK OVER TO THE CASHWRAP TO LOOK AT KHUS’ BODY.
IT’S EMPTY
LAUREN: Pardeep, he’s not here!!
ANA SCREAMS
PARDEEP: I said ‘behind’ the cashwrap.
LAUREN LOOKS OVER. KHUS’ BODY IS THERE. THEY SIGH.
GUILIANA: Pardeep!
LAUREN: You said ‘in front’
PARDEEP: I said ‘behind’!
LAUREN: You said ‘in FRONT’ of the cashwrap
PARDEEP: Why you lying for?
LAUREN: You’re such a loser
PARDEEP: Lauren.
LAUREN: What?
PARDEEP: So’s your face
SHABANA: Innit.
LAUREN: Ugh!!
AND THERE WE HAVE IT. THE END. THE FINAL MONTAGE OF MUTED IMAGES IS PLAYED UNDER THE SONG WITHIN YOU BY RAY LAMONTAGNE. THE AMBULANCE PICKS UP OSCAR AND IBRAHIM AND THEIR LIVES ARE SAVED. SHAFA WAKES UP AFTER TWO DAYS AND ADMITS TO KNOWING ABOUT KHUS’ PYSCHOTICNESS. DOREEN HOOKS UP WITH OSCAR. IBRAHIM HAS A FACE WITH A HOOK SCAR. RAMSEY HAS TO SERVE TIME FOR MURDERING ANIS, SHOT OF HIM SOBBING IN HIS CELL, BUT GETS OFF WITH GOOD BEHAVIOUR AFTER EIGHT MONTHS. DELICIA AND LOIC ARE REMEMBERED AS HEROES. MATT IS REMEMBERED AS AN IDIOT. DAVID ISN’T REMEMBERED. FIFTY YEARS LATER, PEOPLE STILL TALK IN HUSHED VOICES ABOUT THE RANDOM PHANTOM OF THE SHOP FLOOR, KHUSRAO HAKIMI. AN OLD INTERRACIAL COUPLE HOLD THEIR HANDS AND LOOK SOMBRELY AT THE GRAVESTONES OF THE MANAGER, DELICIA, LOIC, ANIS, MATT, DAVID AND KHUS, WITH A POLISH POLISHER IN THE BACKGROUND. THEY ARE JOINED BY ANOTHER OLD INTERRACIAL COUPLE. THE MAN IS LIMPING, WHICH IS ODD BECAUSE I SWEAR OSCAR GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST, NOT LEG. THEY STARE AT THE
THE AUTHOR WOULD ESPECIALLY LIKE TO THANK LAUREN ‘AUSTIN’ AUSTIN HARVEY, ANIS ROGER ALAMGIR, MATT JACK HAYOUKANE, KHUS DENNIS HAKIMI, ANA PHYLLIS VITORINO, CLEMENTINE BERTHA-GERTRUDE-DORIS-MAVIS-ETHEL WILDING TAYLOR AND RAMSEY ALBERTRAMBONOSCARYGRANTBOVINNYJONESTORICKEITHCLIFF HASSAN, WITHOUT WHOM THIS SCRIPT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN WRITTEN.
Oh, and all names and places in this story are completely fictional. Any similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
BLOOD ON THE SHOP FLOOR STARRED:
Special Guest Stars
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