Blood on the Shop Floor: Part Four

Blood on the Shop Floor: Part Four

SCENE 1: INT THE STORE’S MEN’S SECTION. KHUS AND BLAKE HAVE GONE TO THE MANAGER’S OFFICE TO COPE AND RE-EVALUATE KHUS’ DETECTING. SHAFA IS STILL UNCONSCIOUS IN THE STAFFROOM. EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THE TRAGIC BRUTAL MURDER OF ANIS EXCEPT MATT, ISIS AND PARDEEP WHO HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP. DOMINIIK DECIDES TO BREAK IT TO MATT. THE THICK FOREIGN ACCENT IS RATHER HARD TO UNDERSTAND. DAVID, SHABANA, IBRAHIM, RAMSEY, LAUREN, OSCAR, DOREEN, ANA, AND MARIGOLD WATCH THIS UNFOLD.

DOMINIK: Matt…Matt…are you awaked?

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): Erect?

DOMINIK: Yes, you are, look…your friend has been forked

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): Fucked?

DOMINIK: Oh sorry, knifed, I, ah, forgot

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): A faggot?

DOMINIK: Yes, he’s been knifed, your friend Anis

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): Anus?

DOMINIK: Don’t panic, I should have go sit

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): Gusset?

DOMINIK: I go now…

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): Cleft?

SHABANA IMPATIENTLY TELLS MATT

SHABANA: Anis is dead, Matt, I’m sorry innit

MATT’S EYES WIDEN. WE HAVE A CAMERA ON HIM IN A LONG SHOT FROM 30 METRES DISTANCE.

THE CAMERA DOES A JUMP ZOOM OF 5 METRES WITH A SHARP DRAMATIC BURST OF BRASS INSTRUMENT

THE CAMERA DOES IT AGAIN, SO WE’RE NOW 20 METRES AWAY MAKING THE SAME NOISE.

15 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE, HOLD FOR ONE SECOND

10 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE, HOLD FOR ONE SECOND

15 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE, HOLD FOR ONE SECOND

20 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE

HOLD FOR A BEAT

THEN IN ONE SECOND

15 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE

10 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE

5 METRES, LOUD BRASS NOISE

CLOSE UP, LOUD BRASS NOISE,

PULL FOCUS ON MATT.

MATT: …Anis is dead? If he didn’t make it out of here alive, I can’t see myself making it out alive.

LAUREN: I’m starting to think none of us will

ANA: And what happens then if we do? How do we come back from here?

SHABANA: You should sue the store, innit, get some money

PARDEEP: Haha jokes

IBRAHIM: A good way to get money is to bet on the Special Olympics

ISIS: Why?

SARCASTICALLY DOING THE SARCASTIC FINGER QUOTE THINGIES

IBRAHIM: Because “they’re ALL winners”

SOME PEOPLE LAUGH. A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO IN LIGHT OF THIS RECENT TRAGEDY.

ISIS: I don’t think I could ever come back to this store after tonight

ANA: What will you do?

ISIS: Maybe relax for a while, I can cut hair

ANA: Open a hairdressers?

ISIS: Maybe

MATT: You could call it Curl Up And Dye

LAUREN: Curl up and die??

MATT: Dye as in dye your hair

ISIS: I don’t know how to dye hair

MATT: You can still curl can’t you?

ISIS: But I use curling tongs, in a hairdressers you need to use clips.

MATT: Alright, Isis!! What time is it?

DOMINIK: Some seconds til four o clock

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): What were you sucking?

DOMINIK: You know, when I’m retired, I would like to teach a choir

MATT (SLEEPILY CONFUSED): When you’re a retard you’ll touch a queer?

DOMINIK: With all the choir boys in the choir

MATT: You’re a sick man, you know that.

ISIS: Matt, seriously, what’s crawled up your crack?

MATT: Oh my god. This is all my fault.

LAUREN: You don’t mean that, stop blaming yourself, fishing for compliments

MATT: No I do.

ANA: ?

MATT: It was me

ISIS: ??

MATT: It was me who graffitied on the fridge…this is all my fault. If I hadn’t…If I hadn’t done that stupid thing, none of us would be here

PARDEEP: You’re a fucking prick

IBRAHIM: This is all your fault?

MATT: I know

IBRAHIM: If you hadn’t been so fucking stupid, we wouldn’t be trapped here like fucking mugs waiting to die like cunts

MATT: I know! I’m…I never thought this would happen just because of what I did

RAMSEY: Everyone is dead because of you

MATT: Hey! Not everyone!

RAMSEY: Yes, everyone you stupid little bastard…UGH!

A SURPRISINGLY VEHEMENT RESPONSE. DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE LIKED ANIS.

MATT: I’m so sorry, but she stresses me out so much, I thought just to graffiti, it would let her know that absolutely no one in the store likes her.

LAUREN: You’re such a loser.

MATT: Look it’s easy to blame me, but there is an actual killer killing people in the store, alright? And that’s not me

ANA: Well you definitely wouldn’t kill Anis.

MATT: Exactly. Of all the souls I ever knew, he was the most…goggle eyed

LAUREN: That’s true

MATT: Nor would I kill Delicia and Loic

PARDEEP: Who knows what you can do, you little shit.

MATT: Remember, as soon as you suspect someone, they die, like in that film ‘As Soon As You Suspect Someone, They Die’

DAVID (DRAMATICALLY): Bum bum bum…

ISIS: Right

MATT: I can just imagine what Anis would say right about now…(DOING A BAD IMPRESSION OF ANIS) Stop your lollygagging about with these impudent jackanapes, you blasted blowhards!

LAUREN: Because he always said that

MATT: Innit

RAMSEY: What time is it?

MARIGOLD: It’s 5 o clock

DOREEN: Just two more hours

OSCAR: Four more hours

DOREEN: ?

OSCAR: It’s Sunday

DOREEN: Ohhhhhh

MATT: That’s fucking ages

OSCAR: Yeah…

PARDEEP: No way out at all?

OSCAR: No

SHABANA: Who could have killed Anis, we were all here, innit?

IBRAHIM: I swear all of us were here

RAMSEY: Unless it was someone who could get away unnoticed

DOMINIK: Sorry

DAVID: Or someone else entirely

LAUREN: Someone else entirely?

ANA: Like who?

DAVID: I don’t know…Barbara, Gareth, Claire, Dave, Ali, Tobe, Rowena, Charlotte, Saad, Kat, Junaid, Shafa, Rachel, The Emma’s, Aneta, Magda, Cleo, Sabrina, Jason, Samir…

LAUREN: Ok, we get it, everyone wanted Anis to die, but how do you suppose they’ve been inside this store unnoticed?

DAVID: How did someone already in the store disappear unnoticed?

ANA: The only people we can really…

THINKS FOR A SECOND

ANA: …alibise are Khus, because he was talking and everybody was watching him, Blake and Oscar who were right next to him, I wasn’t concentrating on anybody else.

PAUSE

IBRAHIM: I think all of us were focusing on them. Who know’s you could have done it.

MATT: Yeah, Youssfe, I think we should keep a closer watch on YOU, out of everybody in this store, with the exception of Dominik because he’s a perverted wet fish, I can safely say that you have never done anything compassionate or humane for another human being

IBRAHIM: What do you want me to say, that I did it? For fuck’s sake…remember you suspect me, two minutes later I end up dead

MARIGOLD: I fail to see the downside

IBRAHIM: What the fuck, Marigold, why’r’u’b’n’a’li’l’ bitch for? I was holding onto Ramsey’s gay hand!

MARIGOLD: All I know is, one minute Delicia was suspecting you, the next, she’s dead with the man whose babies I wanted to have!

ISIS: I wish I was drunk

IBRAHIM: For fuck’s sake what do you people want from me? I’m fucking off to the staffroom

PARDEEP: No you stay here, what if some next man gets killed, then it’s definitely you innit, just stay with us, if anything happens, we’ll all know it wasn’t you

IBRAHIM: You’re all fucking dopey...yeah, even you, Wasteman, I’ve been staying here all this time, and still I get all these cunts thinking I’m some killer

MATT: Um, I’m not feeling these vibes at the moment, I want some space for a sec.

IBRAHIM: So he can leave, but in a minute, someone will be blatently dead

MARIGOLD: His best friend died!

LAUREN: Not for the first time at this store, too

IBRAHIM: Why, what happened?

LAUREN: It doesn’t matter, just let him go

MATT: Thanks everybody. I’ll be right back

MATT LEAVES THE GROUP

ANA: God it’s way too late to even travel home now…if I get home, my mum would throw a wobbler

DOMINIK: Sorry?

SHABANA: Same with mine, innit

LAUREN: We don’t have to go home, we could go to a hotel

ANA: Motel

SHABANA: Holiday Inn

MARIGOLD AND ISIS: Say what?

SCENE 2: MATT IS STANDING AT THE STAIRS. MATT KILLS HIMSELF TO HOUNDS OF LOVE BY THE FUTUREHEADS. DURING THE FIRST VERSE HE PULLS OUT THE STRING FROM A LARGE PLASTIC BAG. HE TIES A NOOSE AROUND HIS NECK AND TIES THE END TO THE BANNISTER. HE TAKES A SMALL WALK BACK. HE JUMPS FORWARD WHEN THE FUTUREHEADS SING ‘AMONGST YOUR HOUNDS OF LOVING/FEEL YOUR LOVE SURROUNDING ME’ HE FALLS IN SLOW MOTION AS THEY SING THE LYRIC ‘I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A COWARD’ HIS BODY JERKS TO THE ‘ER AH OH HO HOH’ RHYTHM THEY CHANT. HIS SHOES FALL OF WITH A PARTICULARLY VIOLENT JERK AS THE FUTUREHEADS SING ‘TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF/AND I WILL THROW THEM IN THE LAKE’ FADE TO BLACK AS SONG ENDS ON ‘I NEED A HEY YEAH YE-YEA YEAH YE-YAY’ WITH MATT’S BODY HANGING FROM THE ROPE LIMP. GUILIANA ALWAYS SAID HE’D END UP KILLING HIMSELF RUNNING DOWN THOSE STAIRS. FUCK ME, HOW ACCURATE WAS THAT??? SHE’S GOT SOME POWERS OR SOMETHING.

SCENE 3: THIRTY MINUTES LATER

DAVID: Where’s Matt, he should be back by now

IBRAHIM: He’s dead or killing people

LAUREN AND ANA: OI!

IBRAHIM: It’s true though, like in that film ‘He’s Dead or Killing People’

DAVID (DRAMATICALLY): Bum bum bum…

PARDEEP: Stop it you idiot

ISIS: Let me just go look

ISIS WALKS OFF

RAMSEY: Umm Blake wouldn’t want you to go on your own

RAMSEY FOLLOWS HER

ISIS: Um, Blake and I aren’t together, we’re just friends

RAMSEY: Good…so…you…like…it here?

ISIS: Not really, it’s nearly 6 in the morning

RAMSEY: Hmm…um…Isis…

ISIS: What?

RAMSEY: We kissed once

ISIS: Did we?

RAMSEY: You don’t remember?

ISIS (GIGGLES): Um…Nope!

RAMSEY: Right…um okay, well we did

ISIS: What does this have to do with anything?

RAMSEY: Well, I thought we could get close enough for me to tell you something

ISIS: What?

RAMSEY: Well, er, do you want to know a secret?

BEFORE RAMSEY CAN GET AN ANSWER, ISIS RUNS OVER TO THE WHITE STRING TIGHTLY WOUND ROUND THE BANNISTER. SHE SEES THE STRING IS TIED AROUND MATT’S LIFELESS LOLLYGAGGING NECK. SHE SCREAMS. EVERYBODY COMES RUNNING. RAMSEY CURSES. THEY STARE GOBSMACKED AT MATT’S COWARDLY BODY. BLAKE AND KHUS COME RUNNING FROM THE MANAGER’S OFFICE UP THE STAIRS. BLAKE RUNS OVER TO ISIS AND COMFORTS HER. AFTER A VERY SHOT WHILE, EVERYBODY CALMS DOWN.

KHUS LOOKS OVER THE BODY

KHUS: It wasn’t staged, this was a real suicide

IBRAHIM: Matt was so gay, you know

ISIS: This is the second time I’ve found a body today

KHUS: Technically you found the first yesterday

BLAKE: Khus, I know what you’re thinking, Isis had nothing to do with this.

KHUS: You were with me, what do you know?

BLAKE: Um, fine, I just know her, she would never do anything like that

KHUS: I don’t think you can see her tiny body past your wang,

BLAKE: You’ve hit on it, her tiny body isn’t capable of anything like this, let’s cut him down and go back to the manager’s office

DAVID, WHO HAD ERSTWHILE BEEN STANDING AWKWARDLY IN THE MEN’S SECTION JOINS THE CROWD AND THE TRUTH DAWNS ON HIM

DAVID: Matt killed himself?

KHUS: I’m sorry, David, if you want to talk…

DAVID: No, I…I’m going to go to the staffroom for a sec, see if Shafa’s ok

DAVID GOES TO THE STAFFROOM

SCENE 4: THE STAFFROOM. SHAFA IS STILL UNCONSCIOUS. DAVID IS STANDING OVER HER WITH HIS HAND GENTLY ON HER CHEEK. HE STANDS UP STRAIGHT AND STANDS HUNCHED OVER THE SINK

DAVID: Ever since I won the lottery, (THAT’S NEWS TO ME) the ones I love have been dropping like magnetic flies reaching puberty with diarrhoea over an iron; first Annie; Annie; Ellie; Jess; Shafa unconscious; Anis; and now Matt. The only answer is to kill myself…that’s the only way it will stop!

DAVID FILLS UP A GLASS OF THE TAP WATER IN THE STAFFROOM. HE STARES AT IT FOR A FEW SECONDS DEBATING WHETHER TO DRINK IT AND END IT ALL. THEN HE DECIDES TO GO AHEAD. LAUREN AND ANA ENTER SEEING DAVID DRINK. THEY SEE THE TAP RUNNING AND REALISE WHAT DAVID IS DRINKING

LAUREN: David no!!

LAUREN’S CRY SURPISES DAVID AND CAUSES HIM TO CHOKE ON THE WATER. HE DROPS THE GLASS AND RETREATS INTO A CORNER CHOKING. ANA RUNS OVER TO DAVID TO SAVE HIM BUT HE’S DYING. SHE EMBRACES HIM AS HE COLLAPSES AND HE DIES IN HER ARMS

DAVID COUGHING GUTS OUT: Tell…Annie…Tell…Annie…she looked like the main character from Skins.

HE DIES.

ANA LOOKS AT LAUREN IN SHOCK: You killed him…

LAUREN IS STUNNED: I killed him??

SHAKES HEAD

LAUREN: Wow, Matt meant that much to David?

ANA: It would certainly seem so.

LAUREN: This is one of the worst nights in this store’s history

ANA: One of? I think it has to be the worst. Delicia, Loic, Anis and Matt…and David

LAUREN: Frumps balances it out

ANA: True

LAUREN: No seriously, I’m kidding, we need to get out of here

ANA: Don’t worry it’s not your fault you killed him

LAUREN: Don’t say it like that!

ANA: It’ll only count as manslaughter

LAUREN: Oiiii-er, David was committing suicide, like Matt, it’s not my fault…don’t tell anyone what happened here, let’s just say we found him like this

ANA: Whatever.

LAUREN: This is not the time for falling out! Just stick to that story

ANA: Whatever

LAUREN: Oh my god…what a night…Anis, then Matt, then David. The Three Stooges died…in the order of when they joined the store.

ANA: Technically one committed suicide, two were murdered

LAUREN: I’m telling you Ana…shut up about that, or you’ll get killed next.

SLIGHTLY TENSE MOMENT. IT’S CLEAR LAUREN IS NOT JOKING.

ANA: Well, we better break the news.

LAUREN: Yes I think we better had…give me a minute though

SCENE 4: THE MANAGERS OFFICE. ALL THE BODIES ARE STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER BACK OFFICE. BLAKE SHUTS THE DOOR ON THEM AND TURNS TO KHUS WHO IS SITTING IN THE MANAGER’S CHAIR FURROWING HIS BROW AND STORKING HIS CHIN LOOKING PENSIVE.

KHUS: How utterly macabre.

BLAKE: Dude, you is one sombre hombre

KHUS: All this death is getting me down…I knew I could have done something to protect everybody, I’m just…oh god.

BLAKE: Come on, we’s got work to do

KHUS: The manager, Delicia, Loic, and Anis…what’s the connection?

BLAKE: I’m racking my brains, mate, I don’t know where you went wrong

KHUS: I really thought it was Anis, and now he’s dead

BLAKE: Are you alright, Khus? You’re shaking

KHUS: I’m fine, I just…Anis? If he’s not the killer…why on earth did he die? Surely the killer would keep him alive as a scapegoat for their innocence…why kill him as he is immediately marked as a suspect?

BLAKE: Did you notice how he died, too?

KHUS: I did, very…very observant of you, Blake, Anis was stabbed. Everybody else was shot.

BLAKE: Why alternate between weapons, man?

KHUS: The first three murders were very clean, almost professional.

BLAKE: Innit

KHUS: This killing is messy, there’s T stands knocked over, Anis almost got away, there’s blood all over the lift.

BLAKE: Why would they deviate?

KHUS: Either the purpose for Anis’ death was widely different, or there are two killers

BLAKE: Two killers? We don’t even have one suspect!

KHUS: On the contrary, everyone is a suspect…or the killer ran out of bullets so he had to stab him

BLAKE: Ran out of bullets?

KHUS: Occam’s Razor

BLAKE: Occam’s Razor?

KHUS: It means that…

BLAKE: I know what it means, does it really apply here?

KHUS: The theory in fiction is that it’s always the one we least suspect, but that’s to make a more shocking thriller, in real life, Occam’s Razor applies. (PAUSE) Sometimes how it looks…is exactly how it is…(DRAMATIC PAUSE)…get me Ibrahim!

SCENE 5 INT THE BABY FITTING ROOMS. FAME BY DAVID BOWIE IS PLAYING. A BLONDE GIRL COMES WALKING THROUGH AND ENTERS THE CUSTOMER TOILETS. SHE SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HER. SHE GOES UP TO THE SINK AND SPLASHES WATER ON HER FACE

LAUREN: Ugh…David…why? You loser…

LAUREN UNDOES HER JEANS AND SITS ON THE TOILET. HER EYES FLICKER TO HER LEFT AS SHE SEES THAT A SHADOWY FIGURE WAS HIDING BEHIND THE DOOR WAITING FOR HER. SHE SCREAMS. THE CAMERA STAYS ON HER FACE BUT PULLS BACK AND WE SEE WHO IT IS IN THE MIRROR

IT IS IBRAHIM.

DAMN, HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE? IS LAUREN GONNA GET RAPED? WHAT KIND OF FREAK HIDES IN THE CUSTOMER TOILETS? WILL I BE ABLE TO STRETCH THIS OUT FOR ANOTHER TWO EPISODES? FIND OUT, IN PART FIVE OF ‘BLOOD ON THE SHOP FLOOR’ RELEASED THURSDAY 3 APRIL.